Kaleidoscope Eyes
by whats-crackalackin-homosexuals
Summary: Ryan has nothing, of course not, his alcoholic father left him and he is going down the same path. With no one to talk to, Ryan's life is spiraling out of control with drugs, alcohol, anorexia, and the daily jocks at school. So how can the new Morman kid Brendon even help? - Smut, Ryden, slight Ryan Ross x William Beckket, slight Jalex, Gabilliam -
1. Prologue

**A/N: Some AU Ryden for you! I hope you like it. Please review, I use it to help my writing. **

**Prologue**

Maybe if Ryan was smarter this wouldn't happen, maybe if he was perfect these flaws wouldn't have came through and messed everything up. Ryan wouldn't of caused pain to his only love; the only person who cared for him. His only friend.

"Why in the hell did you leave?" Ryan asked the empty air as he threw a glass vase at the plain white walls that mocked him, screaming silently as they stared at him. It's the same each and every night, glare at his screen with two big bloodshot eyes. Ryan was stuck self-torturing, his meds were failing him. Internal clock in smithereens, he couldn't fix this, he's hopeless. As Ryan focuses on the clock, time stands still but he can not.

His hands started to twitch as he wanted to throw another, and another, and another. Ryan wanted to so bad, he wanted to throw these stupid presents he gave him. The stupid notes, the stupid presents, the stupid clothes, the stupid everything. Anything that left a memory of him, anything that would bring back those happy memories that made Ryan want to throw up his insides.

"I hope your fucking happy Brendon," he growled while burning a picture of them. His short brown hair that he had straighten that day, and he also wore Ryan's huge sunglasses. His big, fat lips were stretched into a sweet smile as his own tiny lips were kissing his cheek.; they looked so happy that it sickened him. When was Ryan ever that happy?


	2. Chapter 1

The wind of the San Francisco coast blew as the sea waves were rolling in covered in white foam. He sighed as he looked out to see a couple of skinny seagulls looking for food, maybe some dead fish even. Ryan didn't stare at it long as the thought of dead fish made his stomach get queasy, and looked back to the brick sidewalk that he was walking along. Ryan's old, rough jacket slowly blew with the breeze, and he could feel his hair being messed up by it as well. Damnit. It was actually looking good today, really good. Not anymore Ryan guessed as he bit his lip roughly, and could feel the soft, plump skin break. He stopped before he would taste the blood, and kicked a little, gray rock out of the way. Unfortunately, the weekend was heading for an end, and Monday was right around the corner. School. Ryan completely hated everyone and everything about it, but his mom still forced him to go. Homeschooling would of been better then getting picked on by everyone there, even the new kids knew right away to pick on the 'emo' kid. That's what he was known for, just the 'emo' loser that had no friends, but Ryan sorta set himself up for it. Yeah he was weird, but that didn't mean he should of been treated different. So what if he had tiny plugs? So what if he listened to different music? What did that matter to them anyway? Did it affect them so badly where they all turned on Ryan?! He growled while kicking another little, gray rock out of his way, and into the deep blue ocean below. Ryan slowly inhaled to calm himself, trying to trick his mind into thinking it was a cigarette, as Ryan saw a brunette teen playing the guitar and singing for money. Curiosity killed the cat, which was him in this case, and Ryan ended up going up to the brunette boy to see if he was any good. He stopped by the guitar case and looked down to see some people were kind enough to donate some money to the boy. He looked up to see him smiling at him brightly, and Ryan couldn't help give a tiny smile back.

"I feel the salty waves come in, I feel them crash against my skin," the boy sang in a beautiful tune. He sorta gasped as he digged in his pocket for change of some sort. The boy was really really good, and he knew how to play a guitar as well. Ryan found a five dollar bill, and sorta just threw it in there carelessly. He didn't wanna act like he really did care. Which was a big mistake.

"Thanks buddie!" he shouted while his smile grew wider. His smile made Ryan feel all fuzzy on the inside, and he sorta liked the strange feeling. Ryan bit his lip softly as he went around him, and then sat on the railing beside him. He needed something to relax him, and this music was doing just fine. He also loved the boy's voice.

"'Sno problem," Ryan muttered. The breeze hit his back as he stayed there to listen to the rest of the songs, and maybe a few more as well.

"Stop there and let me correct it, I wanna live a life from a new perspective! 'Cause seeing clear would be a bad idea, so catch up on gettin' out of here!" the boy sang closing his eyes as he played. He must have gotten really into the song by this point, and it made Ryan giggle a bit.

"Awhooo, whoo whoo whoo! Awhoo whoo whoo whoo awhoo!" He sang out while strumming the guitar, and his voice made him sorta melt. If that was possible.

"You're really good," Ryan muttered to himself, hoping the boy wouldn't hear. Which he didn't, he was too into that song of his. After he sang the final part he turned around to face him, and he swallowed hard looking at him with wide eyes.

"Uh, hi?" Ryan said as his fingers fumbled with the end of his old coat. He really didn't know what else to say at this point, why couldn't he just kept on playing?

"Hi! I'm Brendon!" he said happily as he put out his arm for him to shake. Ryan shyly met his hands as they shook hands, and then he awkwardly pulled back to the strings on the bottom of his coat.

"I'm... Ryan," he murmured as he squinted as the clouds moved out of the way, and the sun peeked out. It was right in his damn face. Ryan put the side of his hand to cover his forehead to block the sun. It worked a bit.

"You look like you're in highschool, are you?" Brendon asked, changing the subject completely. Ryan stared at him as his eyebrows knitted together, and started fumbling with his coat even more.

"Ye-Yeah?" he stuttered. Did he know about Ryan's 'emo kid' reputation? Was he going to pick on him now? Shit.

"Oh that's great! See, I'm new here and I think we go to the same high school..." Brendon left off, probably wanting him to ask 'what high school?'

"What high school?' Ryan asked. Yup, exactly how it played out in his head. Of course it would, it usually always did anyways.

"Ridgemont High," Brendon answered hopeful. That's when it clicked. He was new to California, or maybe even the USA. He needed friends, he was lonely, he wanted some company from somebody else than his mother. Ryan sorta let out a deep sigh for the boy, he just probably wanted to be his friend.

"Yeah! I go there. What grade are you in?" he asked, trying to sound interested, which Ryan really wasn't, but he wasn't mean enough to let the poor boy have no friends on the first day. Even though he was good-looking enough to attract a couple of girls, maybe even turn a few boy's heads as well. He sure as hell turned his... By his voice of course.

"Eleventh, you?" Brendon asked excitedly. He licked over his lips in a quick motion as Ryan put his hand down. That bastard of a sun finally went back to sleep behind the clouds.

"Same!" he answered back with the same fake excitement. Brendon looked even happier by the answer, and Ryan had to giggle a bit. He was so excited, it was kinda cute.

"Yeah, I uh... Cool! Maybe we could hang out at school or something?" Brendon asked as he put the guitar in the case, and clicked the locks shut. Ryan bit his lip as he shrugged over-dramatically.

"Yeah, I mean, I don't care! Don't have any friends anyway," he mumbled the last part to himself. At least he didn't lie, and say he was the popular jock of the school. Ryan might be a freak, but he doesn't lie.

Brendon's fat lips pulled down into a frown, "You have no friends?" He awkwardly nodded as more strings came out of his old, ragged coat. Brendon wasn't very happy with this, but Ryan didn't understand why. He just met him, they weren't best friends since birth. No, that was him and his friend Spencer Smith. He was Ryan's only friend, but it was very unfortunate that he went to a different high school on the other side of the fucking town. Leaving him alone to face the horror of his own personal hell called high school.

"Uh, yeah... Not very popular..." Ryan mumbled as he scratched his arm anxiously. He really needed to leave before he threw up. Ryan didn't like this new friendship of theirs, it was a weird feeling that he didn't like. He meant, nobody was this happy with him. Spencer even was really never this friendly or giggly with Ryan, and they spent years and years with each other.

"That's stupid! Your friend-count shouldn't matter on how popular you are!" Brendon said angrily, but his eyes told a different story. They looked scared. Maybe where he was from it didn't matter, maybe they were all friendly classmates. Ryan sorta felt bad for telling him about his problems, He meant, he wouldn't go through the same things as Ryan did. He looked like the kid who would get along with people with a natural flow of things, and not be a socially-awkward kid who had no friends. No, that was himself. Not Brendon.

"Hey... Don't worry okay? I'm just weird and different, and people target me for that," Ryan explained, hoping the frightened look would leave his eyes. He didn't want him being afraid of everybody on the first day, that wouldn't look good. Then he would become an easy target as well.

"Do... Do people make fun of people because of their religion?" Brendon asked quietly, like he was ashamed of something. Ryan's eyebrows knitted together in confusion, what did he mean by that? Was he a Satanist or something? Maybe then people would be afraid of him, rather than him being afraid of them.

"Why?" he asked as he crossed his arms loosely. Maybe it was his parents who were embarrassing religious freaks or something. Or it was just him, he was just a freaky Christian or something.

"I'm... Um, Mormon," Brendon admitted as he shifted in an uncomfortable way. Ryan's eyebrows went up as he made a tiny shrug. So that was his 'big' secert? He was a Mormon?

"I wouldn't think so, I mean, I'm atheist and people don't really 'make fun' of me," Ryan said while he jumped off the cold, metal, blue railing. They didn't make fun of his decision, they just called him a freak. Ryan would expect Brendon's eyes going wide at his atheist comment, but he sorta smiled at him. Why would he smile? This isn't right, shit, this wasn't going the way he planned. Ryan licked his dry lips anxiously.

"You're atheist?! That's so cool! I mean, I know I'm Mormon and all, but I'm not a freak about it. How's it like... Like not believing in God and all?" Brendon asked interested as he cocked his hip out and put a hand on it. He shrugged while looking down, the throwing up feeling getting greater. This boy liked Ryan a tiny bit too much, well, more then he'd like him to like him.

"You stop worrying about 'sins' and shit. Less worry I guess?" Ryan sorta left off, hoping he would just nod and leave. If only he was that lucky, which he wasn't. Ryan was never lucky at all.

"Hmm, my parents always get on me for sins and shit. Like, I can't even breathe without sinning!" he said with an eye roll and a smile. Ryan giggled a bit as he looked up into his chocolate brown eyes. That sickening melting feeling came back, and he bit his lip roughly. That's when a cell phone started buzzing, and Brendon let out a sigh as he got his out of his pocket.

He flipped open the phone sassily, "Hellooo? Yeah, hey Mom. Yeah. Mm, I'm down by the boardwalk. Making money. No! Of course not, God Mom! Sorry! Okay yeah, I know it's a sin. Okay sorry, I'm walking home, love you buh bye!" Brendon growled as Ryan let out a tiny laugh. Brendon looked at him glaring, and it made Ryan laugh more.

"See?! Sin, sin, sin, sin! She actually thought I was selling myself for prostitution, Jesus!" Bendon shouted as he ruffled his hair with his long fingers. He sighed happily. Ryan could go home and calm this throwing up feeling down.

"Well, bye then?" Ryan said while walking towards the sidewalk. That's when Brendon pulled him into a awkward, tight hug, and then let him go. He looked at him surprised, but he completely ignored the look. Ryan had to swallow acid-tasting bile as he waved at him.

"Bye!" Brendon waved as he ran down the opposite way he was walking. Ryan swallowed thickly while taking his scarf out of his coat pocket as the wind picked up. Ryan hated how the wind blew up the leftover waste from the dirty ground. The thought sickened him, he meant, people's feet and, sometimes, bare feet blew up in his face. Ryan's clean, pretty face. He growled as he walked down the street to the same old home Ryan lived in for years now. It was a nice house, big enough for all the family. Nice enough kitchen for his mom - thank God - if she didn't get a big enough kitchen they all would pay dearly for it. That's why it took so long to find a good enough home for her, and when she finally found it she put her foot down. She was going to buy that house, she had to buy it. Ryan rolled his eyes at his silly mother as he went to the basement door that lead to his room. Ryan was very lucky his family didn't visit him in his disaster of a room, or he swore they would have a cow. It wasn't like a tornado blew through it, but it was very close. After walking over piles of, he thought, dirty clothes, Ryan made his way to the small, twin size bed. Sighing he sat down on the brown, furry blanket that kept him warm in the winter - Ryan loved that thing to death - and yawned loudly into the vacant room. His own yawn echoed off the tan walls, and bounced back at his face quickly. Ryan's eyes darted to the posters on his wall, mostly some punk-rock shit like Blink-182, but sometimes a Beatles poster would show through all the others. He didn't like them that much, just enough to make him smile when Ryan heard their light, happy beats come through his earbuds. Then Ryan's eyes dart to the small, empty, white space in the middle of all the black and sometimes white itself. Eyebrows knitted in confusion, he went to go touch the whiteness that felt inhuman to see, maybe if he touched it a poster would appear, making the room have balance once more. Maybe a Green Day poster. They were okay enough to be put on Ryan's wall, they were okay enough to restore the perfectness of his almost covered walls. He nodded silently to himself as one hand went up to his ear to scratch the itchy feeling away. One of the fingers almost poked Ryan's black plugs out of his ear, and he quickly shoved it back inside, not wanting to lose the small object in the messy chaos of what maybe might of been a room. He licked his dry lips while opening the door, shoving clothes as it opened, and saw the long, empty hallway that stretched in front of him. Ryan walked down the path slowly before reaching his destination, the kitchen, and walking to the fridge to get some alcohol to clear his buzzing mind.. The quietness of the house almost scared Ryan, the house was never this quiet, not even when other company is around. That just made it even louder. All the new people, all the little kids running around; it was just chaos. That's why he instantly went to his room, the only place where he could catch his breath and relax. Not be harassed by people that only come on the holidays, and not bother talking to them any other time of the year. That's why Ryan rarely let myself be seen by his relatives, the only words that come out of their mouth is 'Oh look how big you've grown!' or 'My my, you've gotten so handsome!'. Ugg, nothing he'd like to hear. It was all lies anyway, nothing was true. Only slippery lies that escaped their thin, dry lips to try to make conversation. A conversation that didn't interest Ryan in the least bit, but they still haven't caught on yet. Such a shame. A loud meow made him jump out of his skin, and thoughts, as Ryan looked down to see the family's cat Oreo. She meowed again, even louder then before, and crawled on his skinnies. Her bright greenish blue eyes stared into his own hazel ones, and she meowed once more. Ryan reached down to pet her, and his hand touched her smooth, silky black and white fur. She did really look like an Oreo, so much that his little sister tried to eat her. Oreo freaked out so much that she was weary of Ryan's little sister ever since. Ryan felt bad for both of them, his sister didn't understand why the cat didn't like her, she even cried one time. He tried to tell her why the cat didn't like her as much, but her being five, she didn't understand much of what Ryan said. The cat quickly jumped on the counter to face him with her wide eyes, and Ryan knew what would shut her the fuck up. She was hungry as hell. He growled at his own family for not feeding her before Ryan came home, and sighed before nodding at the cat's meow.

"You hungry? Okay, okay," he said as his lanky fingers wrapped around her metal, cold bowl. Ryan quickly walked to the pantry to get the cat food that smelled actually good, maybe something with tuna he guessed. Anyhow, it smelled better then he thought it would. Ryan opened the pull-back tab to see the brown, round, squishy food that the cat was purring for by now. He dumped the food into her bowl, and set it down on the ground where Oreo quickly snacked on. He smiled as he went back to the fridge to get something to drink until he saw a note on the door. Ryan went over and pulled it off, and squinted at his mom's tiny-ass handwriting.

Hey Honey, we went out to eat. Sorry, we couldn't find you out on the streets. We looked, I promise! Maybe you can come tomorrow, we are going to get some Mexican. YUM! Anyway, we are going to bring you some food, so don't eat! Love, Mum!

Sighing heavily, Ryan opened the fridge to find his drink he made earlier today. It was a nice, wonderful alcoholic drink; a Strawberry Daiquiri. He didn't really like the drink, just the sweet strawberry goodness that cooled his throat as it went down. It was very yummy, as Ryan's older sister would say as she made one for him the very first time. She was just turning twenty-one and he was only eleven. Way too young, but very willing to drink anything she gave to him. It was very sour, had a weird tang of flavor because of the liquor, but after getting passed that little obstacle it was so delicious. he wanted more and more, so she made him about five. After that Ryan was drunk off his ass, and she sent him to his room to spend the whole night drunk as fuck. It was fun though! Laughing at everything, dancing for no reason to his music that was blaring loud. It was the best night of his eleven year old years, and Ryan wished he could go back to that night. That's when he was happy most of the time, and not like now with my angst teenager act. Or that's what his Mom called it. Ryan didn't care what it was really, it was their stupid opinion anyway. Not like he'd be in this phase for the rest of his life, he was smart enough to know it was just a phase. Nothing more. Even if the thought scared Ryan shitless it was true, and there was not denying it. He was young, reckless, and stupid. Just another angsty teen who thought the world didn't understand him, which it didn't. Ryan swore it just came down on his shoulders for only him to hold, the whole world on his shoulders. It was heavy as fuck, and he was surprised he didn't end up dropping it and breaking the whole system. Breaking the fragile object that could end life as they knew it... Or just his. The cat meowed in satisfaction, and Ryan snapped back to reality to find he was still holding the drink with the fridge open wide. Ryan took it out fully and closed the door quickly, and brought it back to his room incase his mom came home. She didn't know about the alcohol, but if she did Ryan would be dead right now. She wouldn't approve of it at all, and Ryan's sister would get in more shit then he would. He rolled his eyes while slamming the door, not seeing his cat almost getting squished from the door. Ryan guessed she was going to hang with him for awhile. He liked her company, it was better then the rest of his family's company. They always pointed out all his flaws, and made a huge deal about it, even if Ryan wasn't perfect, they wanted him to be. Being perfect is impossible, as he told his family time and time again, but no, they didn't listen to him once more. They never listened to anything, even if it was something serious like his anxiety, which Ryan had to tell his older sister about because nobody listened, and even the problem about his anorexia. He had to tell you, he was a tiny little thing, and it still wasn't enough. No, Ryan still wasn't where he wanted to be, and he thought he never would, which was scary to him. Never being at where you want, always being fat, and just not feeling good enough about your body. Even the arguing bones that popped out, showing how unhealthy Ryan was, wasn't enough to change his twisted mind. His collarbone, hips, and hollow cheekbones couldn't put him on the right path to happiness, He doesn't think anything could. As Ryan's thoughts swarmed into his empty head, since his brain was long gone, he took a huge gulp of the pinkish red drink, hoping to finish it before his mom and siblings came home. If Ryan's dad were here he wouldn't care that he smoked, drunk, or starved himself, no, he was a selfish bastard with a drinking problem. Can you guess where Ryan got his problems now? The man, George, used to beat all of them, not caring how bad they looked inside or outside. On the outside Ryan looked broken, bruised, less of a teenager he looked like now. On the inside he was dead, completely done with life, not even trying to feel anymore. No, he was a shell of the happy little boy he used to be, and it scared most people that had grown up with him, especially Spencer. He was the most worried, even more then his own mom and siblings, only because they were either too young or Ryan didn't tell them, and he tried to help any way possible. It only got worse though, Ryan eventually got depression from all the stress and horrid thoughts his father had put in his head, and he was mentally ill. So ill most of the therapists, that his mom had gotten because of Spencer, weren't sure that Ryan couldn't get back from my state that he was currently in. They had gotten him on anti-depressants quickly, trying to do the best they could, and he actually felt happy for once in a couple of years. Of course it was all fake, mostly the hormones from the anti-depressants, but it was enough to trick himself into thinking he was happy with the crumbling world that broke little by little, landing slowly by his feet. Ryan could feel a wet substance prickle at his eyes, and he quickly wiped them, making sure he didn't spill his drink, then cugging the rest down, making a burning feeling appear. As Ryan quickly threw away the plastic cup in his, already over-filled, trash can, then picked up Oreo for him to cuddle with until his family came home. As his back touched the fuzzy blanket, and the cat rested on his chest purring, and Ryan was already getting a tad bit sleepy. He got sleepy very often, since he never eat and he had no energy to do anything, and therefore, sleep was a constant best friend that stayed by his side since he was about twelve. Ryan's hand ran over the purring kitty's fur, making it sound even more like a motorboat, and rested his eyes just incase he would have to do work later. Resting, to no surprise, turned into sleeping, and he laid there, ruffled hair with soft features in a peaceful slumber. The only reason Ryan woke up was the sound of little kids barging into his room, jumping on the bed, disturbing both the cat and him till they woke up.

"Ry! Ry! Wake up Ry!" his little sister, Sarah, yelled in his ear. A groan escaped Ryan's mouth, not caring if it hurt their feelings, and he lazily opened one eye, showing his hazy, hazel color to the girls. A smiled ripped Sarah's face as she giggled, knowing that he was kinda pissed that someone woke him up from his, what Ryan hoped to be, eternal slumber.

"Wha-What do you want?" he stuttered gorgerly, still not fully awake enough to speak correctly. She just shrugged, pulling Ryan's other little sister up for her to wave since she is so short, and he rolled over, not caring to wave back. He could feel her, Linsey, crawl on his side, making Ryan grunt from her weight. Even if the girl was only five years old, she was very heavy, and he could barely hold her because of it.

"Mommy wants you up, RyRy," Linsey whined as she stayed, pretty much now glued to his side. Why? Can't she just leave me alone? Ryan rolled his eyes, once more, then genitally pushed his little sister off to get up. Ryan could feel his lead heavy legs as he swung them over, arching over with his hands in his lap. He was still so sleepy, but since his mom wanted him up now, he had to ignore the feeling and got up. He looked down at the little kids who shared the same facial features, and huffed a bit louder then necessary.

"Come on, out of my room..." he mumbled, pushing the little girls out of his room. He watched the cat run out, then closed the door loudly. Ryan sluggishly made his way down the hallway, almost tripping on the cat who ran in front of him, and stumbled into his living room that was occupied with another family. What the hell? Ryan slowly made his way in, the stranger's backs facing him, and he locked eyes with his mother, glaring at her and looking at the stranger wearily.

"Oh Ryan! You're here, great! Meet our new neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Urie. They also have a son your age, Brendon." she started, making his eyes go wide as they turned around, seeing the same Brendon he did earlier. Oh my God. Brendon's eyes lit up, smiling widely as he got up and hugged him. Shit. That throwing up feeling is coming back fast now.

"Oh Ryan! Wow, we are neighbors!" Brendon squealed, letting go of the tight hug. Ryan swallowed thickly with a tiny, thin lipped smile and nodded.

"Oh yeah! Brendon that's great!" Ryan offered, fake surprise and excitement just so the boy wouldn't get disappointed. Wait, why was he even trying for him?

"You know each other?" Ryan's mother and Mrs. Urie said in unison, smiling at each other before turning back to face the boys. Ryan bit his lip anxiously as he nodded, Brendon smiling widely as he nodded too.

"That's fantastic! I was worried that Brendon would be lonely, being new and having no friends and all," his mother started explaining, making Brendon blush in embarrassment. It looked kinda cute on the boy, but Ryan quickly let those thoughts go. Not daring to hold them any longer.

Brendon whined a bit, "Mom!" Mrs. Urie just laughed, her lips spreading into a smile, showing off her aging wrinkles that made her look older then she was. Her hair was also up in a tight-looking bun, making her apperance look stiff, and her post-stud diamond earrings showed off on her tiny ears. She definitely looked like more of a religious person, not that Ryan knew how to really tell, but he would've guessed without even knowing Brendon.

"So, you guys are friends?" Miss. Ross asked, eyeing Ryan with a look of 'you better be if you know what's good for you'. Ryan could feel his throat close as he nodded, making Brendon bit his fat bottom lip as he smiled. That weird fucking throwing up feeling came again, he needed to get out of there. Pronto.

"That's even better! Ryan, is it?" Mrs. Urie asked, looking at Ryan's mom as she nodded, "Ryan, you will be showing Brendon around at school, right? If it's not that much of a hassle for you!" she added quickly at the end, her obsessive friendliness showing.

"Y-Yeah, of course," Ryan stuttered a bit, thinking about how if Brendon hanged with him he would be considered a loser freak with no life. Ryan felt guilty for already dooming the boy into a miserable fate in his new high school, and he chewed on his lip nervously as Ryan's little siblings came in happily. Maybe Brendon was smart and would realize that Ryan was a loser and leave, yeah, if the boy wanted to enjoy life at Ridgemont High.

"I wonder if I have any classes with you.." Brendon wondered out loud, looking at Ryan with those huge, doe-eyed brown eyes that made Ryan feel uneasy inside. He tried to breathe normally, but he really fucking couldn't.

"I-If you're lucky we might... Have y-you gotten your schedule yet?" Ryan asked, stuttering a bit, making his mother give him a strange look, which made him even more uncomfortable with the situation here. He stopped chewing on his lip, instead his leg started shaking, well fuck. They will surely notice something is wrong now, it was so plain to see that Ryan was uneasy and nervous for some reason.

"No, I haven't..." Brendon mumbled, looking at Ryan with his eyebrows knitted together as he watched Ryan shake, "Um... But yeah, if I'm lucky.." he finished, not wanting to draw attention to me more then it already was. Thank fucking Jesus for that.

"Oh, Ryan, why don't you show Brendon your room? You guys can hang out for a while... If that's okay with Mrs. Urie?" Ryan's mother asked, looking at Mrs. Urie with a questioning look, and she smiled widely and nodded cheerfully. Great, fuck him. Hard.

"Um, come on, this way.." Ryan mumbled, turning sharply and walking down the tiny hall to his messy room, oh great, the mess that was in there. He wondered what Brendon would think of that. He could hear the kids whine about not being able to go with Brendon and him, and he sighed thankfully as he opened the door to his room. As they walked in, Brendon's eyes went wide and he laughed a little bit, making Ryan to get nervous, almost tripping on his cat as he closed the door.

"Looks like my old room," Brendon laughed, taking in all the posters and junk. Ryan then let out a breath that he didn't know he held in, and turned to face the boy awkwardly.

"Nice, Blink posters.." Brendon commented, making Ryan's eyes go wide a bit. Whoa, wait. Brendon listened to pop-punk? What? Okay, this got a little bit better.

"Oh, you like Blink?" Ryan asked stupidly, well duh he liked Blink, he just said nice poster! Ryan rolled his eyes at himself, just a habit, but hoped that Brendon didn't notice.

"Yeah, wonderful band... You like Green Day? Nirvana?" he asked, crossing his arms loosely. Ryan nodded as he bit his lip softly, at least he wasn't a Mormon with horrible music taste.

"You like The Beatles?" Ryan asked hopefully, wondering if Brendon's music taste stretched that far.

Brendon grinned, breaking out into song, "Help! I just need somebody, help! Not just anybody, help! I really need someone, help!" he yelled, making Ryan actually grin from ear to ear. That was a yes.

"You like Journey?" Brendon asked, scratching his elbow nonchalantly as they began their deep conversation of music and bands. Ryan nodded as he felt Oreo's claws on his skinny jeans, her nails digging into the material and into his skin, making him jump from surprise.

"Oh, a kitty!" Brendon exclaimed happily, crouching down so he was face to face with the animal. Oreo's eyes went into slits as she went up to Brendon slowly, sniffing him, then turned around to strut off sassily. Damn Oreo, cut him some slack!

"Aw, she doesn't like me..." Brendon pouted slightly as he stopped crouching, getting back up to his original height. That's when Ryan realized something, the boy was taller then him. Well, not by a lot, but it was enough to be noticeable. Jesus, he was so short, even shorter then Pete Wentz. Okay, let Ryan tell you about Pete, he was the shortest thing in the universe. Ryan had to fucking look up to him! Ryan sighed and rolled his eyes at the thought, and looked back to Brendon who was still kinda upset about his cat.

"She's a bitch, don't worry about it.." Ryan shrugged, not caring that he cursed in front of of Brendon because, hey, he wasn't gonna treat him like a baby. He wasn't the type of person to baby another human being, but wasn't he doing that now by being fake with the boy? Wasn't he babying him by sparing his feelings so Brendon wouldn't get hurt? No, he wasn't, no. He wasn't actually babying him, well, actually he didn't know what to call it really. He was... Just being nice? Maybe, it would have to work for now.

Brendon nodded as he stopped pouting, "Oh, most kitties are anyway.." he sighed, in such a voice that Ryan would think that just all cats didn't like him. Then it was quite, an awkward quite that Ryan was hoping that they would avoid, but somehow they had gotten quite deep into awkwardness. They always have been, ever since Ryan laid eyes on the boy.

"Ryan," Brendon started, making Ryan jump a bit from his voice, "Were you okay earlier?" he asked. Ryan wanted to roll his eyes, sigh, and walk away, the whole bitchy bit, but he got even more nervous then last time. Fuck this, fuck him, fuck Brendon.

"W-What are you talking about?" was all that he could manage out, not wanting Brendon to notice him getting jittery once more. Brendon sighed, crossing his arms more tighter, shit, he knew.

"You know what I'm talking about, you are getting like that again!' he protested, his eyes poured out sympathy, something Ryan hated so much. He didn't need it, he didn't need somebody to feel sorry for him. Why would anybody be sad for him anyways?

"Oh," Ryan started, "It's nothing..." he lied, not caring if he did so. He was a compulsive liar, so it was just natural to lie about anything that he didn't feel comfortable talking about.

"Really? I'd beg to differ.." he said, with a sort of smirk in his voice. This pissed off Ryan a bit, Brendon should just fucking leave it.

"Seriously dude, nothing.." Ryan tried again in a more pissed off tone, hoping that Brendon would drop it. Of course Brendon shook his head in protest, jutting out his bottom lip to pout. Ryan felt that weird throwing up feeling again as he saw how Brendon looked, his fat bottom lip quivering, huge, pleading brown eyes, messy brown hair. He pushed the feeling away, not wanting to even start thinking about how tight his clothes looked on him. Fuck.

"I..." Ryan started, not knowing how to explain anything, "I just get nervous easily..." he said, not wanting to go into his anxiety at all, no, he would save that for... Pretty much never actually. Brendon nodded, getting what Ryan was getting at as his arms fell at his sides.

"Oh, it's okay, that's actually quite normal for teenagers today.. Well, that's what my mother said, also if it makes you feel any better, I have ADHD." Brendon shrugged, his nails scratching his left hand. Ryan kinda laughed, making Brendon kinda look hurt, and Ryan could feel his heart drop a bit.

"I could tell," he said quickly so Brendon wouldn't take it the wrong way, "You are just kinda hyper..." he licked his lips slowly, swallowing as Brendon smiled once more. That made him feel better, but why? Really, why though? It wasn't making any sense to Ryan.

"Oh, you think I'm hyper now, just wait till you see me when I'm not on my medication!" he giggled, his fat lips spreading into a smile as he sorta bounced back and forth on his feet. It looked kinda cute, well, for a guy... Yeah, it looked cute for a guy... Shit, that still didn't make Ryan feel any better.

"Brendon! Honey, we're leaving!" the boy's heads snapped towards the door, and Ryan silently thanked Mrs. Urie. Ryan awkwardly walked past Brendon, opening the door for him to walk out, and close it behind him. At least the cat didn't make a last minute run for the door, and was sleeping on his bed for the moment. They both walked through the tiny hallway into the living room to see Mr. and Mrs. Urie waiting by the door with Ryan's mom at their side, smiling and talking cheerfully.

"Well, bye Ryan!" Brendon said, pulling the tiny boy into a tight hug. Ryan could actually feel the throwing up feeling leave, but something stronger was in it's place. Not a 'going to get sick' feeling, but something... Better? Ryan weakly wrapped his lanky arms around Brendon, and then parted with a tiny fake smile.

"Nice meeting you Sarah!" Mrs. Urie said as they headed out the door, and his mom replied with a 'Nice to meet you too Linda!' Ryan sighed loudly, rubbing his head as he mumbled he was going to sleep and strutted back to his tornado of a room. He could hear mother sigh loudly, knowing that Ryan wasn't going to return from his room until tomorrow for school, but it wasn't his fault he loved the comfort of his messy room. He opened the door, closing it quickly as he walked in, then took off his shirt in a hurry. He was just hot all over. Fuck. After feeling the cool air hit his pale flesh, he let out a tiny moan, it felt way better then being confined in his tight clothing. He took off his skinny jeans as well, hoping the feeling would go away because hell, he was getting aroused for no fucking reason. Ryan went to go lock his door before anyone could come in, then heading towards his tiny bathroom to take a shower. A cold one at that. He slipped off his boxers, feeling the cold air hit his member, and he let out a tiny hiss at the feeling. He turned on the shower, ignoring that he set it on warm instead of the cold he insisted on, and waited for it to be warm enough for his liking. After a while he stuck his arm in, making sure it was at a good temperature, then pulled the curtains away so he could get in. The warm water hit his skin and he let out another tiny moan, letting himself go under the waterfall in his tiny shower. After getting his hair wet his thoughts started to roam, and by roam he was thinking about Brendon. Fuck. He thought about how the boy bit his lip sometimes when he smiled, how his fat lips spreaded into a grin and his eyes looked happy. His lips. Oh my God, Brendon had really fat lips, how could Ryan never of noticed before? Ryan let his hands roam his body, leaning against the wet wall behind him, and shut his eyes loosely. He wanted to punch himself for even thinking about Brendon while doing this, he had never even thought about a person. He never needed too. He let his right hand wrap around his half-hard member, stroking it slowly, letting his index finger play with his slit as his eyes shut tighter. He let out a breathy moan, biting his lip as he stroked faster. He could hear a knock on his bedroom door, his mother calling for dinner, "Ta-Taking a shower!" he called out, back arching as he tighten his grip, making him moan out louder. He bit his lip roughly, feeling blood seep through, and stroked faster before he came. He let out a loud, breathy moan as he let his mouth drop open, probably a loud enough moan for his family to even hear. Great. He licked his lips, hand removing from his dick as he let himself go under the waterhead to wash off. Ryan grabbed his body wash, not wanting to have the lingering smell of somewhat sex on his body. He scrubbed everywhere, making sure the scent was gone before washing his hair quickly, but not bothering to put shampoo or conditioner. He could do that tomorrow in the morning, or maybe in the middle of tonight. Whenever he wanted.

"Ryan! Dinner Honey!" his mother called again, knowing that the shower was off and wanting him to eat and visit with his family before he went and held himself hostage back in his room. Ryan rolled his eyes, could he not even get dressed first? After drying off with a towel, he went outside of his bathroom to go ransack his dresser for clothes. Ryan put on some boxers of course, then found loose fitting, old looking sweatpants that hung low on his hips, finally finding an old Beatles band tee that was his grandfathers. His grandfather had gotten it from one of their concerts, had it signed by all of them, then before he passed he gave it to Ryan as a parting gift. Ryan really loved his grandfather, he was surely his favorite relative out of his whole family. He even got some of his clothes when he passed, like when his grandfather was a little older then Ryan; around twenty at least. They were all old style clothes, but Ryan sorta liked the fashion and how they fit snugly on his tiny frame.

"Ryan, come on! Your food is getting cold!" his little sister yelled, pounding on his door as hard as her little fists could. He growled loud enough where she could hear, making her stop almost instantly so she didn't anger Ryan any further. It must be Sarah then, Ryan thought, she never liked it when Ryan was angry with her.

"I'm coming, okay?" he called, sighing loudly, and all he could hear was a little cheer of happiness from behind the door. Sarah knew that Ryan never came out of his room for dinner, and she was probably excited that she could see him before she had to go to bed. Ryan closed his dresser doors, then made his way out of the room quickly, opening the door to see his grinning sister.

"Ryan! I have to show you something after dinner, okay?" Sarah asked, looking so happy and excited it made Ryan's heart melt. His sister was the cutest thing. Ryan smiled back at his sister softly, his bony hand going to her hair, messing it up slightly.

"Sure kiddo.." he mumbled, making his way down the small hallway to the dining room. He walked in, making his mother look up at him with a surprised expression. She didn't hold it long though before smiling at him, shoving his plate of Mexican food towards him. He swore that was all they ate, and if they ate anymore they would surely turn into Latinos. Ryan shook his head at his thoughts as he sat down in the chair that felt pretty odd and uncomfortable to him since he had never sat in it before. He looked at his taco, rice, and refried beans with disgust, not wanting to put the fattening foods in his mouth ever. He just slightly pushed the plate away, crossing his arms over his chest tightly as he looked at his family.

"So, how do you like the new kid?" she asked, wanting to know how Ryan got along with Brendon. When Ryan made a confused face, she sighed and rolled her eyes, "Brendon."

Ryan swallowed thickly, "He's okay..." was all that came out of his mouth, but his mother kept staring at him for more details. "He likes my music.." he mumbled again, hoping she would be satisfied with that answer for now, or ever, both of them were good.

"Oh, that's great!" Sarah exclaimed, "You know, they're Mormon right?" she asked, but Ryan knew what she was getting at already. He had to make sure he didn't corrupt the little goody-two shoes Mormon.

"Mom, I know.." he sighed, looking extremely annoyed, "Calm down.." he said, scooting his chair back to get up and leave.

"Ryan! No, I was just saying!" she said quickly, Sarah and Linsey frowning deeply as Ryan didn't stop walking away to his room. Ryan mumbled something angrily, not caring that they didn't want Ryan to go back in the confinement of his room. Once Ryan was in his room, he shut the door quite loudly, not actually meaning too, but he didn't care at this point. Simple things said or gestures made could make Ryan very angry at times, it just depended on his mood before.

"Just saying my ass.." he grumbled, laying down on his bed, almost on the cat, but she moved out of the way at the last second. He sighed, rubbing his face with his hands as he sat up, his hand reaching for the light so it would be dimmer then it was now. Ryan's anxiety didn't let him sleep in the dark, no, he was too frightened of what lies underneath the shadows. Ryan stopped thinking about that, not wanting to have a panic attack or a mental breakdown around this time at night, and laid back down to go to sleep. He finally did after some time, thinking hopefully it wasn't too late when he fell into a somewhat peaceful slumber.  
Only Sarah's voice woke him up in the middle of the night, making him groan as he lifted his head up to see that she was very upset. Her eyes were a bright red, tears were slowly falling down her perfect complexion, she was sniffing and snuffing like she had gotten a bad cold, and she was shaking horribly.

"Sa-Sarah, what's wrong?" he asked, sitting up almost immediately, his hand reaching out so she could get into bed with him. Sarah took the offer quickly, jumping into Ryan's bed, now crying softly into his chest. Ryan frowned, covering them both back up as he pet her soft, long hair, still wanting to know what happened. After a while of telling her everything was fine, and nothing was gonna happen, she calmed down enough to speak.

"What happened sissy?" he asked in such a soft, worried tone you just might think it wasn't Ryan. She was still shaking as she lifted her head from his chest, showing her bright green orbs that were surrounded by the redness that made a sea on both sides.

"Ni-Nightmare.." she stuttered, shaking her head as he laid back down, not in Ryan's chest this time, but close enough where she would be comfortable. Ryan sighed, knowing the horrid feeling of nightmares, and hugged his little sister tightly.

"It's okay Sarah, I got you.." he promised his sister as her shaking went down a bit, "You can go back to sleep sis, I got you.." he promised again, this making her shaking stop, but she held onto Ryan with a death grip as they laid there. Ryan closed his eyes, still petting her hair, but stopped when he heard her snore a bit. She was finally asleep again. Ryan closed his eyes, yawning a little before going back to sleep as well, his little sister tightly snug in his tiny frame.


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: What do you guys think so far? Please review!**

Ryan woke up early the next morning to his mother's voice, "Ryan, wake up!" she yelled, knocking on the door harshly. Sarah groaned, sitting up, her long, caramel hair all messy and sticking up in random places. Ryan groaned too, not wanting to go to school today, but sat up slowly to rub his eyes. As he stopped he looked at Sarah with a soft smile, noticing that the redness around her mint green eyes were gone.

"C'mon, you need to get ready too.." he mumbled, swinging his legs over and getting up to stretch. His bones popped as she stood up, her stretching as well before looking up at Ryan. Ryan went over, hugged his little sister tightly before sending her out of his room so he could get dressed. He yawned, quickly peeling off his shirt before he took off his comfy, warm pajama pants. He got in his dresser, picking out a nice, snug fitting Blink-182 shirt, then some tight fitting skinny jeans to match. He quickly got his clothes on, liking the way they fit perfectly on his tiny frame, and that was quite rare for Ryan. Maybe it might be a decent day afterall. Ryan got some black socks from the corner of his room, putting them on quickly before he put on his rough looking, black Vans. Ryan yawned once more as he made his way to the bathroom to fix his hair and brush his teeth. Ryan got out his straightener, plugging it so it could warm up as he brushed his teeth. After his teeth felt clean and nice, he got out his comb out so brush his hair down, picking up the straightener as he picked up a piece of his hair. After getting his bangs done, he did the sides quickly, finally the back as he turned off the hot straightener. He ruffled his hair, the ends now at the end of his neck. His hair was getting quite long, but he didn't mind one bit. He liked his longish hair. Ryan had spiked up his hair in a mohawk like way, only he had been calling it a RyHawk. Ryan licked his dry lips, turning off the bathroom light to go out to walk to school. He grabbed his shoulder bag, making his way out of his room as he entered the living room to find Brendon there waiting with his mother. Shit.

"Hey Brendon...?" he mumbled, confused as he walked up to the taller boy. Brendon just smiled at Ryan softly, making his mother smile sweetly as well.

"Hey Ryan!" he waved excitedly, "My your and my mother insisted that we would walk together.." he told Ryan, making him bite his bottom lip as he nodded. He knew that something like this would happen, damn it.

"Well, see you boys!" Sarah exclaimed, pushing them both out of the door. Ryan looked at Brendon awkwardly, not knowing what to say as they started walking. Brendon hummed happily though, the soft breeze blowing his hair slightly as they passed their houses. After a bit of walking, Brendon gasped loudly, making Ryan jump a little as he looked up to the other boy.

"Wh-What?" he asked, slightly afraid that something bad had happened or something in that nature. Brendon bit his lip as he looked at Ryan, sighing loudly as he stopped.

"I forgot to take my pill.." he said, bouncing on his feet with a worried expression. Ryan just gave Brendon a look of 'are you fucking kidding me right now?'

"Do you wanna go back and take it?" he asked, his fingers fumbling with the loose, brown strings on his messenger bag. He didn't know how Brendon would act without taking his pill, but he really didn't want to find out.

Brendon sighed a little, showing no interest of walking all the way back, "Naw, I don't like taking it anyway.." he confessed, making Ryan roll his eyes at the taller male. Jesus fuck, why was he freaking about it then? Ryan just nodded, knowing that Brendon would probably be even be more touchy and feely since he was now extremely hyper. Great.

"Ryan," Brendon started, "I have all classes with you.." he told the boy, making Ryan just nod silently. Brendon bit his lip, fumbling with fingers nervously. Ryan kinda felt bad about being so quiet and not talking to Brendon.

"I'll show you my locker, and you can show me yours.." Ryan started, "So in case we need to meet up with each other we can do it at our lockers." he explained, making Brendon smile widely as he nodded. Ryan felt a little better about that, seeing Brendon happy made him feel kinda good inside. Ryan walked quickly to be at the same nervous pace as Brendon, looking at him slightly worried.

"Hey, don't be worried, " he said all of a sudden, his rare nice side coming out a tiny bit. He put his bony hand on Brendon's shoulder as he smiled at him softly, "It's going to be okay Brendon, promise.." he said, locking eyes with the taller boy so they confirmed it together. Brendon smiled sweetly at Ryan as he nodded, long eyelashes batting when he blinked. Ryan took his hand off the boy's shoulder, and he finally got a chance to actually look at him fully today. Ryan's eyes raked over from the back of Brendon's head to the back of his shoes, taking in his outfit for today, and slightly some of his nice physical features as well. Brendon, from what it looked like back here, had plain, snug fitting white shirt, actually really tight skinny jeans, and just some old looking Vans on. He actually look good. Ryan licked his lips slowly, not noticing when Brendon turned around, catching Ryan. Brendon gave him a look, blushing slightly as he spoke up quickly.

"Ry-Ryan...?" he asked, snapping Ryan out of checking Brendon and blushed as well. Well, shit. Ryan looked down at his broken, worn out Vans as he didn't make eye contact with the taller boy the rest of the time they walked. Ryan ended up walking into Brendon, bumping his forehead in the middle of Brendon's back. He stumbled backwards, about to fall but he felt someone's hand grab his hand roughly to stop him falling. He looked up at Brendon who was looking at Ryan with eyes filled with concern.

"You okay?" he asked, bringing Ryan back up so he wasn't leaning over, losing his grip on his the boy's tiny, bony arm. Ryan nodded, brushing himself off as he faked a smile at the brunette.

"Yeah, thanks..." he mumbled, looking up at the intimidating school. He could see why Brendon stopped so quickly, and he felt his anxiety coming through the locked door quickly. Shit. Ryan breathed in slowly, trying to keep his composure as he looked up at Brendon who was fidgeting more then Ryan was. It was probably the ADHD, Ryan thought, remembering that the whole walk there he was shaking slightly. He was so hyper and unfocused, and Ryan was slightly worried Brendon would find trouble for it.

"It-It's okay Br-Brendon.." he stuttered, sounding like he needed comfort more then the taller male beside him. Brendon looked down, nodding a little as his fingers tapped the sides of his thighs. Ryan started walking, Brendon didn't seem to follow though, and he sighed at him. Ryan went back, doing something oddly brave for his liking, and intertwined their fingers together so Brendon would walk with Ryan. Ryan silently cursed himself out because this would surely draw much more attention than he would want from people. Brendon could feel himself blush lightly, holding onto Ryan's bony hand for dear life. They walked in, heading towards the gym where everyone would sit until holding was over, then they would go to homeroom. Still holding Brendon's hand, they went into the huge gymnasium, getting stares from not only students, but teachers as well. Ryan wanted to throw up, and Brendon could see how uncomfortable it was making Ryan. He felt bad, but still needed to comfort or maybe he would throw up as well. Brendon looked into the crowd of teenagers, giving off his most scariest glare he could muster, and rolled his eyes at most of them. Some people got offended, which made Brendon laugh to himself, but others just stopped staring quickly as soon as they made eye contact with the taller male.

"I si-sit over he-re..." Ryan mumbled, escorting Brendon to an unoccupied corner on the bleachers. They sat down, Ryan's left leg shaking as he crossed them, Brendon fingers, on the hand that wasn't holding Ryan's hand, tapped on his pants quickly. Both so fucking nervous, and people could tell from a mile away. Brendon looked at Ryan worryingly, which Ryan just offered a small, weak smile to help Brendon.

"They usually do-don't sta-stare.." he mumbled, taking in that they were holding hands and quickly snapped his hand back. He received a hurt look from Brendon, but he quickly stopped the gaze. Ryan felt bad, but he couldn't handle the stares from the judging teenagers. Brendon now was tapping both fingers on his thighs, humming slightly just to keep busy. The humming got Ryan's attention, and it started to make him wonder how the boy sounded when he sung. Ryan wondered if he was any good, and then started thinking about his singing abilities. He loved singing, but he was very shy and didn't like signing in front of people at all. He even barely sang in front of Spencer, and that really said something. Brendon quickly reached into his pocket, fumbling with something that was hidden from Ryan's naked eye. An iPhone was pulled out, making Ryan's eyes light up at the sight of the headphones. Brendon had music! Ryan locked eyes with Brendon, which made the other male nod as he gave Ryan one of the two headphone pieces.

"Tha-Thanks.." he mumbled, seeing that Brendon had some wonderful music saved; Blink-182. Ryan sighed shakily as the music started basting in his ear, probably full volume, which didn't bother Ryan one bit. Brendon didn't even ask if it was too loud, rude, but he was happy that he didn't. Ryan let his foot stop shaking, instead he let it tap to the beat happily. The teenagers behind them made some rude comments, whispering quite loudly, but Brendon seemed not to notice. Or he didn't want to, but he hoped that the boy's spirit wasn't crushed. Ryan then thought about how nice he was being, not liking it one bit because it just wasn't him. Something was up, or Brendon was changing him slowly, which Ryan was quite afraid of at this point.

"Ryan..?" he asked, now close to Ryan's ear, and it made him jump slightly. Ryan leaned in closer, waiting for Brendon to say what was on his mind.

"The people behind us.. They are so freaking rude.." he commented, frowning slightly as he locked eyes with Ryan. Ryan nodded, looking behind them slightly and scoffing. Ryan leaned in, whispering in Brendon's ear.

"I know.. I'm sorry, ignore them.." he mumbled, hearing 'What's My Age Again' in his other ear. He knew being Brendon's 'friend' was a bad idea, but now he really had no way out. If he left Brendon, then Brendon would probably get bullied and beat up, which Ryan didn't want happening. Ryan felt Brendon scoot closer, probably for comfort, but Ryan squirmed not to scoot even farther away. Ryan licked his lips in one quick motion, Brendon still leaning in his ear. What did he want? Ryan didn't know how to feel with Brendon's lips so close to his ear, or his hot breath breathing on his earlobe. Shit.

"Do you know what they called us?" he asked, looking at Ryan briefly, which Ryan just made a 'what?' sorta look as best as he could. He knew the list of names they had for him, and he wasn't going to be surprised if they called him by one of them. "Faggots.." Brendon mumbled, frowning deeply as he shook his head. Brendon looked so hurt, his eyes were watering, and Ryan instantly felt fucknig horrible for even agreeing to be Brendon's 'friend'.

Ryan leaned into whisper in the boy's ear, "Don't listen to them Brendon, it's okay.." he whispered, his hand finding Brendon's as he rubbed his fingers over the knuckles. Ryan could see a faint blush on the boy's tan skin, Brendon nodding as he looked down. Ryan kept doing this without knowing, him just listening to 'Adam's Song' in his ear playing quite loudly.

"Ry-Ryan?" Brendon asked wearily, looking at him confused as he still kept his pinkish red blush on his cheekbones. Ryan quickly snapped his hand back, looking away guiltily, not saying anything but a mumbled sorry. Brendon looked at Ryan confused for a second, but quickly looked away as some people starting leaving. Ryan stood up slowly, making Brendon get up quickly as they started walking. They walked in silence, the only talking was the people behind them, making loud, rude comments and bumping into them as they passed by. Brendon rolled his eyes, looking down slightly as he walked, not wanting to attract attention. Ryan had to look up, wanting to steer Brendon in the correct direction, otherwise he would've looked down. Their shoulders bumped a lot, awkward bumping that Ryan wished to avoid, but somehow it seemed they never could avoid the 'awkward' stuff. Ryan showed Brendon his locker, his only a couple feet away, and pulled his headphone out.

"Here, mine is one-o-two," he told Brendon, locking eyes with him before walking off quickly to his own locker. He was slightly worried, knowing that if Brendon or him was by themselves they could easily get jumped. Ryan sighed, looking at his combination as he put it in, opening his locker quickly as he shrugged the shoulder bag off of his bony shoulder. He bent down to unzip his backpack, trying to get his binder out of his bag as he got shoved headfirst into the locker. It's already fucking started? Ryan rolled his eyes, looking back to see the stupid jock of the school; Gabe Saporta.

"Hey faggot, who's your new boyfriend?" Gabe asked, smirking at the shorter boy. Ryan ignored him, not wanting to start a fight on the first day back. Gabe didn't let up though, as he shoved Ryan again, making him bump his head even harder. Ryan finally got up, after getting everything he needed out of his bag, and turned to face Gabe.

"Stop," he commanded sternly, giving him the most scariest glare he could summon. Gabe laughed, poking Ryan's shoulder roughly, making him go back a bit. "Seriously Gabe, just stop.." he tried again, seeing Brendon come up in the corner of his eyes, well this wasn't going to end well. Brendon came up on Ryan's side, looking at Gabe with a stern look. Gabe did the same since they were the same height, but Gabe just winked all of a sudden. Brendon was a bit surprised, gasping a little as he blushed a tiny bit. Gabe just laughed, rolling his eyes as he looked at Ryan.

"Better keep a good eye on your boyfriend there, never know if he will find interest in a better guy.." he suggested, licking his lips suggestively towards Brendon before laughing as he walked away. Brendon didn't say anything as he looked down, shuffling awkwardly as he waited for Ryan.

"So," Brendon mumbled, getting Ryan's attention, "He thinks we're dating?" Brendon asked, making Ryan sigh loudly as he got his books, then turned around to face Brendon.

Ryan slammed his locker, "Yeah..." he mumbled, walking towards the end of the hall towards the small-looking classroom. Brendon made a noise from the back of throat, making Ryan look at him confused. Ryan looked back, seeing Brendon paling very quickly.

"H-He can't thi-think that.." he mumbled shakily as they walked in, seeing that most eyes were on them. Ryan sat in the back with Brendon, away from everyone else, and Brendon still was ghostly pale.

"What's wrong?" Ryan asked quietly, leaning in as he heard murmurers about the both of them. Brendon turned to face Ryan, shaking his head lightly.

"If som-someone tells my par-parents, they will di-disown me, Ryan.." he stuttered, making Ryan's eyebrows up go quickly. Disown? Ryan couldn't quite wrap his mind around someone throwing out their son for being gay, but they were Mormon.

"Oh..." Ryan mumbled, making Brendon nod, "Well, don't worry.. Nobody will tell anything, it will be old news in a couple of days.." he told Brendon, knowing how the stupid rumor system worked. People always threw away the old, and brought in the new. Ryan could see how Brendon's eyes filled with doubt, and it made him angry. Didn't the boy believe him? He knew what he was talking about! He has been at this school longer then Brendon, way longer.

"Oh.. Oka-Okay.." he murmured, seeing that two girls were making weird faces towards them, giggling and smiling sweetly at them both. What the hell? Ryan didn't pay attention to them, focusing on the hangnails besides his fingernails. Ryan licked his lips, biting on the hangnails quickly, getting nervous as he felt their eyes still on them. He could hear someone come up to them, and he looked up with an unsure stare at the two girls. One had pale white skin, big honey hazel eyes that looked bright and happy. Her freckled nose was slightly turned upwards, like a pig, but it didn't mess with how pretty she looked. Her thin, pale pink lips were turned upward, matching the way her eyes looked. Her pitch black hair, bright red in her roots, was cut right on her shoulder, wavy and choppy, slightly looking out of control. She could pull it off damn well though. The red on her eyes, Ryan didn't know if it was eyeshadow, eyeliner, or both, was heavily put on. Ryan saw that she was into good music, from seeing her Smashing Pumpkins shirt.

"I'm Gee," she quickly said, extending her hand towards both of them. Brendon was first to extend his arm, happy that someone was being nice to them. Ryan just locked eyes with the other girl, looking somewhat like Gee. She had the same honey hazel eyes and pale milky white skin, only her eyes held the same nervousness as Ryan's chocolate brown ones did. Her glasses push up on her face, making her look even more awkward and nerdy. Her nose was now more brought downward, but her lips were still tiny, matching with Gee's. Her lightish brown hair was in a black beanie, but what Ryan could make of it, it looked stringy. Instead of the red Gee chose, the girl had black eyeliner put on heavily around her eyes, making the honey hazel color pop even more. Her ZOMBIES shirt was slightly showing underneath her black jacket, and Ryan could barely see that they were both wearing very tight looking, black skinny jeans.

"I'm Michelle..." she mumbled quietly, smiling sweetly at the two boys. "B-But, you can call me Mikey for short.." she insisted, seeing how her actual name made her uncomfortable. Ryan nodded, licking his lips as he studied their faces again. They had to be related in someway or another, if not Ryan would be surely surprised. Gee was now talking to Brendon, saying how her and her sister, ah sisters, wanted to come over and say hello.

"You guys seemed lonely, but so are we!" she giggled, her smile somewhat fake. Well, to Ryan anyway. Her eyes didn't match her smiles most of the time, the honey hazel clouded with gloom and sorrow. Slightly matching her sister's own, but Mikey's were clouded with not only gloom and sorrow, but extreme nervousness and fear. She must have anxiety like Ryan, but he didn't jump to conclusions so quickly.

"It's nice to meet you both!" Brendon said happily, now ignoring the fact of the people who were still staring at the 'gay couple'. "Would you wanna hang out at lunch?" he offered, making Ryan snap his head towards Brendon, giving him a dirty look. He didn't know these people, and they surely didn't know him. He was fine eating with Brendon. But Gee was quick to nod, her black hair slightly getting in front of her face. Her pale hands swept it away, turning to smile at Mikey happily. Mikey returned the smile, only it was half of one, still looking really nervous. She digged in her coat pocket, grabbing a white inhaler before she put it to her thin lips, pushing down on the white button. She sucked in, then removed it from her mouth, putting it back in her pocket. She had asthma? Ryan wouldn't of even guessed the poor girl did, and he slightly felt sorry for her. It didn't last long as the bell rang, signaling homeroom was over.

"See you guys later!" Gee called out, grabbing her sister's hand as she ran off. Mikey called out a faint goodbye as she got pulled by her sister, a little panic in her eyes. Ryan got up, making Brendon stand as well, him giving a look of help. Ryan chewed on his bottom lip as he looked up at Brendon, signaling with his hands to follow him.

"It's just around the corner..." he mumbled, seeing that Brendon was quick to grab his stuff and follow. Brendon ended up at his hip pretty much, which Ryan tried not to snap at the brunette for. They got around the corner, seeing that people were filling into the classroom they were going to. One of the people being Gabe Saporta, Jon Walker, and Pete Wentz. Brendon made a panicked face, but Ryan just patted him on the shoulder for comfort. They slid into the classroom, sitting in the back where no one could really bother them, and Ryan could feel Gabe's eyes on his back. At least Jon and Pete didn't fuck around like Gabe did.

"Look," Gabe said quickly, smirking as he came up. Ryan could see Brendon sink in his chair, not wanting to be seen by this point. "We have these fags in our class!" he exclaimed, his chocolate brown eyes darting between both of the boys. Ryan made a growl as he rolled his eyes, not even caring about the names he was being called.

"I'd like to see you try to fuck this teacher for good grades, Saporta.." Ryan said, locking eyes with Gabe as he gave him a smirk. Ryan licked his dry lips, looking back down towards his shoes. He could hear Brendon laugh a little, obviously trying to hold back though. He could hear Pete even snort, maybe Jon was smiling, who knows? The only reason they did it was because it was true. Gabe always fucked teachers for a good grade, male or female, it didn't matter to him at all. It was all the same as long as he got a good grade, only letting himself get fucked for As or Bs. Ryan thought it was absolutely disgusting to sell yourself for something like grades, it's not like you will have them for the rest of your life. Ryan would never, well, maybe if it was someone from one of his bands, then he wouldn't really care that much.

"Get more pussy then you do, Ross.." he argued, sneering as he slammed his hands down on Ryan's desk. Ryan looked up, with the most seriously stern face ever.

"You mean you get more dick then I do," he said, making Jon snicker, Pete start laughing hard, and Brendon laughed as well. Ryan had to smirk because even some of the surrounding students were snickering. But Brendon's laugh caught his attention the most, since he had never heard him laugh before. It was so warm, like a nice genuine laugh that made Ryan have that warm, stupid feeling inside. Ryan could feel Gabe scoff, rolling his eyes as he got his hands off of Ryan's desk. The teacher walked in as the bell rang, his slightly long wavy, brown hair flowing behind him as he walked quickly. Gabe completely forgot about Ryan and Brendon, thank God, and he went up to the teacher with a slight smirk. He turned around to write MR.. BECKETT, and then gasped as he saw Gabe was really fucking close. Ryan could see that he was wearing a white collared shirt with a tie, only to have a gray sweater vest covering it. He tight, grey jeans fitting snugly on his obviously bony hip bones, and Ryan knew Gabe would be all over that the first chance he got. Gabe smiled, flirting slightly as he sat on Mr. Beckett's desk, His scrawny features reminded Ryan of himself, seeing that he had slightly hollow cheeks, bony hands, and those hip bones that fitted his jeans perfectly. Holy shit he was attractive. William just blushed a pinkish color, pushing his huge framed glasses back up his nose, trying to ignore Gabe's hand running up his thigh. Poor dude, Gabe has like a million STDs.

"He really does that?" Brendon asked surprised, making Ryan snap back into reality. Ryan looked over at Brendon, seeing his shocked face and tried not to laugh. Ryan picked up his pencil, needing something to make his foot stop shaking, and tapping it lightly on the desk as he nodded.

"Oh yeah, Gabe is too fucking dumb to make a C," Ryan explained, rolling his eyes as the teacher's brown eyes averted from Gabe's own. Ryan could see the Mr. Beckett was trying not to pay attention, even if he liked it, but it was failing as he made a squeaking sound when Gabe felt him up again. Does he ever stop?

"That's filthy!" Brendon exclaimed, now making Ryan finally laugh. Not at how Brendon's face looked really cute, nose scrunched up and everything, but at his choice of words. Silly Mormon.

"You're gonna have to get use to it..." he started, "It will happen in every class we have with him," Ryan sighed, looking to see Gabe hooking his fingers in Beckett's belt loops, tugging him a little too close. Beckett tried to pull away, but was weaker than Gabe, so he blushed and looked down. Gabe's thumb swiped over Beckett's bottom lip swiftly, and Ryan rolled his eyes as he looked away.

"And he tells us we're homosexual.." Brendon mumbles, making Ryan laugh a little. He is so formal with his words. Ryan could hear the bell ring, and Mr. Beckett motioned Gabe back to his desk. Gabe didn't do it at first, biting on his own bottom lip as his long, spider-like finger felt up Becket's thigh. He gave out a squeak, pushing Gabe back as he went to his own desk. Gabe laughed, sending a wink towards the teacher as he sat in the middle of Pete and Jon.

"He-Hello, I'm Mr. Beckett-" he said in a posh English accent. before coughing, but Gabe took this opportunity to quickly ask something.

"What's your first name?" he asked, licking his lips slowly as his eyes danced over the older male. Mr. Beckett just looked down, already seeing that Gabe would be a problem.

"William..." he mumbled, making some of the girls swoon, but Gabe just bit his plump bottom lip as he nodded. Oh yeah, he is gonna have William by the end of the day. Ryan could see that Gabe was looking at William more differently then he did from the rest of the teachers he fucked, more of an adoring gleam came from his eyes. Not like the lust that Ryan was used to, but he didn't care enough to ask questions.

"Since it is the first day back, why don't you come up and introduce yourself?" he asked, making some people groan quietly. One of the people was Ryan for sure, not liking to be up in front of crowds. "I know some people don't like being up alone, so bring a friend if you want!" he added, making Ryan look at Brendon quickly, locking eyes as Brendon smiled sweetly at him. Ryan felt a little better then before, sinking into his seat as all the volunteers went up first. Two pretty girls went up first, both lean and slightly tall, and their plump, lip glossed lips stretched into a smiles. The girl on the right had long, blond bouncing curls complemented her huge, bright brown eyes. Ryan's eyes danced over her body, seeing that she was thin, but had nice curves over all. Tan skin showed through her white and blue striped shirt, her very short, slightly ripped short shorts. Her gladiator brown shoes covered most of her feet, except the bright pink toenails that showed off proudly. They looked professionally done.

"I'm Keltie Colleen!" she smiled brightly, making eye contact with Ryan briefly before her eyes ran over the rest of the class. She is way too happy. She licked her bright pink lips, "My best friend is Sarah," she motioned over to the girl beside her, "And I love cats! I have two at home." she said, bubbly and cheerful as she looked over at the other girl.

Sarah had slightly pale skin, pitch black hair that was swooped over in a fringe. Her bright blue eyes popped out, only because her black eyeliner that decorated the top and bottom eyelid. When she smiled her face was shaped quite weirdly, her jawline slightly too strong for a female. Her hair was in a bun, but Ryan could see that it was slightly blue in the back, and he thought it was such an odd match. Tan Barbie probably from California, and a pale alternative looking girl probably from New York. Her tight, dark blue skinny jeans complimented her legs, having a thigh gap that matched Keltie's. Her black biker jacket hid her bright white V-neck, showing off that she was quite skinny in fact.

"Hello, I'm Sarah Orzechowski, my best friend is Keltie," she smiled softly, pointing to the blond. "I love music, and I really love your accent Mr. Beckett," she commented, making William smile softly towards Sarah. They both waved, Sarah was awkward about it, but Keltie grabbed her wrist as she pulled her towards the side to their seats. Gabe, Pete, and Jon were up next, Gabe standing quite close to the teacher, biting his lip as he checked him out once fucking again. Jesus Christ. Jon cleared his throat as Pete smiled brightly at the class.

"Hello, I'm Jon Walker.." he left off, licking his dry lips as he continued, "I love cats, like, my favorite color is cat." he said, making a lot of people laugh, but he looked so serious. Brendon giggled, fucking giggled. Ryan bit his lip as he looked at him, smiling a little without knowing, but when they made eye contact he smiled even brighter. Ryan quickly looked away, sensing Brendon's confused face, but he didn't care really.

"I'm Pete Wentz!" he exclaimed, gaining peoples attention. Like always. "I play the bass like Jon over here, and love making nicknames for people." he said, running his tan fingers through his hair swiftly. Gabe was up next, but he was too busy messing with Mr. Beckett, one of his fingers in his belt loop as he was whispering in his ear. Jon rolled his eyes, Pete laughed as he poked Gabe strongly, "Hey, Gabe!" he called, making him turn to Pete. Gabe sighed, whispering something in William's ear to make him blush, then turned towards the class.

"I'm Gabe Saporta, but of course you know that.," he said cockly, "I love football, and," he turned to William, smirking seductively, "Mr. Beckett's English accent.." He winked, making William blush as he looked away, not wanting to look Gabe in the eye. Ryan sighed quite loudly, not meaning to gain the attention from his fellow students like he suddenly did. Fuck. Gabe, thank God, didn't hear him and was still flirting with the older teacher.

"Go... Go sit do-down.." Mr. Beckett squeaked, pushing the boy towards their seats. Ryan could feel something tapping on his shoulder, looking over to see Brendon making motions to the front. Ryan sighed, lips pursed as he shook his head. Brendon wasn't having it though, he wanted to go up. Ryan pouted even, to show Brendon he didn't want to, but Brendon got up as he pulled Ryan along. Fucker. Ryan let himself be pulled to the front, hiding behind Brendon slightly as the boy still held Ryan's hand. Ryan could feel himself be calmed by this though, which of course was extremely weird, but he really did! Brendon's fat lips stretched into a sweet smile, licking his lips before he spoke.

"Hello, I'm Brendon!" he said cheerfully, making some girls giggle. He smiled at them, but Ryan didn't know if it was meant to be towards them or with them. Ryan held tight onto the taller boy's hand, looking at the class carefully. "I can play the guitar very well, and love to sing..." he mumbled out quickly, but still quite happy with himself. Ryan stayed behind Brendon, not willing to talk, but Brendon nudged his shoulder a bit. Ryan's eyes met Brendon's and he gave out a weak, unwilling look. Brendon pouted, fat bottom lip jutting out, and Ryan could feel his skin tingle at the sight. He sucked in his bottom lip, shoving himself forward as he looked down at his scruffy Vans. Still holding onto Brendon's hand, actually a death grip, and he let out a shaky, soft sigh.

"I'm Ry-Ryan," he mumbled, not going to say something else, but Brendon nudged him. "I-I love mu-music.." he finished, looking at Brendon with weak, sad eyes. Brendon sighed, giving Ryan an encouraging look as he lead him back down to his seat quickly. Ryan guessed Brendon knew he was uncomfortable up there, which made Ryan wonder why the fuck he pushed him to fucking talk. Thanks, asshole. Gabe coughed, ending up saying the word 'faggots' in the middle of his fit, making the rest of the class snicker. William looked as much offended as Brendon did, speaking up quickly at Gabe.  
"Don't tease them, you got it?" he asked sternly, so different from the squeaky, blushing teacher from before. Gabe looked at him with a questioning look, and Ryan looked up a little to meet eyes with Mr. Beckett. Ryan sunk down in his seat, still holding onto Brendon's hand, but it was less of a grip. He could feel Brendon's finger rubbing over his knuckles softly to comfort Ryan. Ryan was quite okay with this, leaning into Brendon's touch thankfully. Any touch from the boy seemed to calm him down, but it scared Ryan that he was comfortable with anyone touching him the way Brendon was. Ryan quickly pulled his hand away, Brendon didn't looked surprised, but Ryan looked at him with huge, scared eyes as he swallowed thickly. Now, by that point, Brendon wanted to know what was up, but didn't say anything out loud. Ryan tried to ignore the feeling, not liking it one bit. He wanted to run away, and it wasn't a surprise to him. He always wanted to run away when he didn't understand something, it was the only way though, it was what his father did. The bell rang, jolting Ryan out of his thoughts, and he stood up quickly. Brendon did the same, walking with Ryan out of the door, not stopping to look back at Mr. Beckett's calls of Ryan.

"What's wrong?" Brendon asked, quickly making his way down the hall to keep up with Ryan. Ryan kept his mouth shut, not wanting to talk about it, or maybe just anything right now. Ryan could hear Brendon sigh, making Ryan have a guilty feeling in the pit of his stomach. When did he ever get guilty for the wrongs he did? Ryan made his way to P.E., the next class, and sat down on the bleachers with the rest of the guys.

"Okay guys!" the coach's thick English accent boomed, making Ryan flinch a little. Ryan wasn't good with loud voices at all, it makes him very jittery. "We are getting your combinations, and after getting your locker number you will go get your gym uniform on." he instructed, most the the guys confused because they didn't exactly have their uniforms. Actually, none of them did. "Oh! They are inside your lockers," he laughed, making his eyes squint as his ageless skin didn't even wrinkle. He must be quite young. His name tag said Mr. Gaskarth, what a strange last name. He had caramel colored bed-head looking hair, chocolate, happy brown eyes, and he was slightly tall. Of course he was tall, everyone was taller than Ryan at this point. With fuzzy, caterpillar eyebrows and a slight stubble, his look-alike assistant came out, only he had an even messier bed-head looking hair. With brown eyes, and hair to match, people would think they were brothers. The only huge differences were how gigantic the-Mr. Barakat's- nose was, his droopy looking eyes, and he seemed to be way more lean then Mr. Gaskarth was. Also, the way Mr. Barakat was looking at the teacher, oh my God, you knew something was up between the two.

"This is my student teacher Ja-Mr. Barakat," he said, making Ryan's eyes dance over both of them. "He will be here all year, so be nice please," he asked, signalling for us to get out locker number and combinations as he motioned all of them to a table. Ryan and Brendon left their stuff like the rest of the group, and made their way over to the huge line of testosterone boys. As they waited, you could hear Mr. Barakat's soft, cheerful voice laugh and giggle as he gave combinations to the guys, and Ryan was thankful he didn't have to be flinching as long as he talked to the assistant. Ryan went up to Jack, looking down at the bones that dared to pop out of his milky white skin, not daring to look Mr. Barakat in the eye.

"Name?" he asked, making Ryan fumbled with his fingers as he said his name softly. Jack hummed happily at that, going through the locks that had a little paper that told the boys were their combination was.

"Thank you.." Ryan mumbled, looking up briefly to see that Mr. Barakat was actually way better looking up close. He just summed up a goofy looking grin towards Ryan, nodding as he sent him on his way. Ryan scurried off towards the correct locker room, not wanting to go into the girls by mistake, and tried to find his locker. The pale tan walls surrounded him, a large mirror was a couple feet ahead of him on the wall. Small, brown benches surrounded the outsides of the lockers, and there was an opening that lead to the showers and the tiny, probably quite dirty, restroom. Ryan walked towards his locker, number 182, smiling to himself as he thought of Blink-182. Ryan tried his combination, messing up about ten times till he got it right, just enough time for Brendon to come in to find his locker. Brendon ended up on the row of lockers to the right of Ryan, doing his combination about five before opening it. Ryan got out his gym uniform, some loosely looking blue clothes that were messily folded, like he cared anyway. Ryan let his fingers slip under his shirt, peeling it off quickly as his eyes caught with Brendon's bare back. Ryan's eyebrows went up as he saw how perfect it looked, his tan skin, the muscles, his fucking back dimples. Ryan bit his lip, eyes tracing a pattern as Brendon used his muscles to put on the blue, loose shirt. Holy fuck. Ryan looked down at his body in comparison, seeing how unhealthy and abandoned it looked. His hip bones jutting out so far you could wrap your hand around it, perfectly fitting like always. His ribs, the hungry looking ribs that you could easily trace with your finger. He could feel a tap on his shoulder, making him jump as he turned around quickly. Seeing Brendon all dressed up in blue, he sighed as he quickly found his shirt. He could feel Brendon's eyes go over his body, which made him so uncomfortable, and he got his skinny jeans off once his shirt was on. After putting on his shorts and tennis shoes, he looked up to see Brendon smiling at him, leaning against the wall as he waited. Ryan looked in the mirror brietly, fixing his hair down before he went out, just in case it would mess up horridly out there.

"You're so tiny," Brendon said as they walked out, making Ryan look up at him as he nodded. Brendon just smiled, "I'm tiny too, but my father forces me to work out.." he admitted, making Ryan scoff as he rolled his eyes.

"That's stupid.." he mumbled, making Brendon just shrug. They walked around the gym, making slow laps as they made small talk, well, really Brendon was the only one trying. After a while of silence, you could hear Mr. Gaskarth's booming voice, making Ryan jump and flinch a little.

"Guys get in a line!" he ordered, nibbling on his bottom lip as Jack sat on the wooden table, watching over the boys. "Today, since it's the first day, we'll be playing basketball!" he announced, making most guys cheer. Ryan just sunk back into the crowd a little, not even good at throwing them, let alone liking them. He could feel Brendon's arm on his back, since he was leaning away from the teachers, and quickly leaned up to avoid contact with Brendon. "Get in groups of five everyone," Mr. Barakat announced, making Ryan walk over to the far side of the gym with the cheap looking basketball goal. Brendon followed, happily standing over by Ryan as he watched all of the other guys finding other hoops to play at. Dicks. Brendon made a sad noise from the back of his throat, making Ryan look over and frown a little. Ryan could feel himself get fucking guilty again, but he chose to ignore the stupid feeling.

"You guys alone?" Mr. Barakat asked, smiling softly as he came up with a couple of basketballs. He raked his lanky fingers over his fringe, trying to get it out of his eyes, and passed one of the balls to Brendon. Ryan could catch yes, it's just that he chose not too. It's not like he did it just be a little bitch, but it was completely afraid of things being thrown at him. Ryan kinda hide behind Brendon, using him as a shield as Mr. Gaskarth came over to play with them as well.

"I see we have an odd number," he started, eyes briefly locking with Ryan's own as he twirled his own ball on the tip of his index finger. "Whatever.." he sighed, smiling widely as he threw towards the hoop, missing though. Mr. Barakat just laughed, pushing the teacher as he made fun.

"The only thing he knows in basketball is how to spin it on his finger," Jack laughed, putting one of the balls on the ground, giving Ryan a chance to grab it quickly. The texture felt weird on his fingertips, and he wasn't sure how to even act because he hasn't thrown a ball since last year. Brendon shot a basket, making on his first try of course, and Ryan knew he played it often by the way he stood.

"Do you not play?" a soft voice came from behind him, making Ryan jump out of his thoughts. He turned around to see Mr. Barakat's droopy eyes, and his signature soft smile. Ryan shrugged, shaking his head as he watched Brendon and Mr. Gaskarth play some one-on-one.

"I haven't played since last year.." he admitted, seeing that the student teacher just shrugged, nodding as he tried to make a basket. Jack sighed when he missed, shaking his head as he ran after the ball. Ryan didn't like running either, but he could surely run for a long time if he wanted to. He was in shape, well, maybe that was slightly a lie. More of a huge lie, he was unhealthy in shape. He had been for about five years now.

"It's okay, I won't make you play.." he shrugged, dribbling the ball on the palm of his hand easily. Ryan could probably not even do that. Mr. Gaskarth laughed loudly, pushing Brendon out of the way as he made a basket. Brendon grinned widely, doe eyes bright as he got the ball in the palm of his hands. Ryan looked at Brendon, watching the way he played and how every time he smiled he just looked so damn happy.

"You're smiling," Mr. Barakat said, nodding as his eyes switched from Brendon to the scrawny boy beside him. I was smiling? I didn't even know. Ryan sucked in his bottom lip as he nervously shrugged it off. "You have a nice smile, you should smile more.." Jack offered, Ryan not really seeing a point to the idea. His smile was nice, it was far from it. Brendon made a goal, cheering as he stuck his tongue out childishly at Mr. Gaskarth. The older man pouted, but rolled his eyes as he tried to make a basket; failing though.

"Ryan!" Brendon called, "Ryan, come over and play!" he shouted, Ryan's eyes locking with Brendon's own as he shook his head. Brendon frowned, going over to Ryan with a ball resting on his hip. "Why not?" he asked, signalling Mr. Barakat to leave. Ryan just shrugged, secretly going to hate himself because that was going to become another habit.

"I don't play.." he said simply, making Brendon scoff as he poked Ryan on his bony shoulder. "Seriously," he added, making Brendon pout, jutting out his bottom lip as he always did. Ryan could feel himself giving in, and also the eyes of the gym teachers on him.  
"C'mon Ryan! Pretty please?" he asked, making Ryan roll his hazel eyes as he played with the ball in his hands carefully. Was he really about to play this stupid game?

"You're persistent," Ryan complained, making Brendon laugh as he dribbled the ball easily. His laugh. Ryan licked his dry lips, letting his hand let go of the ball as he tried to dribble. He ended up pushing too hard, sending it flying upwards, scaring Ryan as he closed his eyes and flinched. He could feel a tapping on his shoulder, and he let his eyes flutter open to see Brendon giving him a concerned look as he gave the boy's ball back. Ryan could feel his face heat up in embarrassment, taking the ball as he looked away and tried one more time. He pushed too soft this time, making the brown ball dribble by his feet instead of sky high. Ryan just gave up, shaking his head as he looked back at Brendon.

"Do you not know how to dribble?" he asked, laughing a little as he picked up Ryan's ball, making Ryan shrug as he fumbled with the hem of his blue t-shirt.

"Told you I don't play," was all Ryan simply said, making Brendon roll his eyes as he set his own ball down. "It's easy, watch me.." he commanded, Ryan's eyes going to Brendon's hands as he let the ball roll off his fingertips swiftly. Ryan sucked in his bottom lip, how in the hell was he supposed to do it at the right speed? "You try," he said, handing the ball to Ryan as he crossed his arms to watch. Ryan tried, he swore for the final time, and he slightly got it. Almost losing the ball, but it wasn't too high or too low.

Brendon grinned, nodding, "There you go!" he encouraged, making Ryan feel slightly good about himself. Ryan got the hang of it quickly, actually being able to look at his surroundings as he dribbled. He could Brendon's hand on his shoulder, rubbing it happily as their eyes locked. Ryan smiled a little as he stopped dribbling, letting the ball rest on his bony hip. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see Mr. Barakat and Mr. Gaskarth smiling at them, shoulders leaning on each other. They looked kinda cute together, but Ryan let that thought out as soon as it got into his head. Brendon let his hand rest on his shoulder, still smiling as Mr. Gaskarth blew his whistle, making Ryan jump as he darted his eyes toward the teacher.

"Everybody go change!" he yelled, shoving the droopy brown eyed male towards the brown table playfully. Ryan carried his ball to the rack, setting it down softly as Brendon did the same. Ryan walked to his locker, still feeling quite accomplished with himself as he peeled his clothes off. Ryan's eyes peaked at Brendon, seeing his chest this time instead of his back this time. Jesus. Brendon was toned of course, having the outline of abs decorate his stomach. Ryan licked his lips, eyes still roaming as he saw this little indent on Brendon's chest, somewhat like an upside down V. Ryan slipped his shirt back on, feeling the cool cotton hug his frame, and tore his eyes away from Brendon. He got his skinny jeans on with ease as he found his Vans, putting them on as he grabbed his books, and waited for Brendon.

"What's our next class?" Brendon asked, getting his nicely tight fitting jeans on as well, then slipping on his shoes. Ryan pulled the class list from somewhere in the mix of folders and books, checking quickly before putting it back in some folder.

"It's Science, than lunch..." Ryan mumbled, slightly looking in the mirror to make sure his RyHawk was okay, also just to make sure he looked okay. Brendon hummed in response, letting his fingers fix his hair as he picked up his books, and walked out of the gym lockers with Ryan. He made his way to the door, feeling the teacher's eyes on Brendon and him both, but kept walking towards the door. He slipped out quickly, not caring to wait till the bell rang, and went to his science class that appeared to be upstairs. He could feel Brendon try to squeeze beside him many times after the bell rang, probably not wanting to get lost in the crowd of people. Ryan tried to walk slower, not wanting to actually lose the boy in the crowd of smelly teenagers. Ryan finally got to the class, sighing happily to see none of Saporta's group was in their class, but Mr. Beckett was talking to the science teacher. Ryan didn't look at him twice, not wanting to cause unwanted attention as he sat in the back once more. Brendon set down his books as he wiped some left over sweat from his brow, and let his fingers tap on the desk in a familiar tune.

"Is that the song you sang when I met you?" Ryan asked, watching the students roll in quickly before the bell rang and they were late. Brendon turned to Ryan, slightly smiling as he nodded, still playing the tune on the desk as if it was a drum set. "What's the name?" Ryan asked, the bell ringing annoyingly as always, and Mr. Beckett quickly walked out of the class to his own.

"New Perspective," Brendon said, now tapping more quietly just in case the teacher would get onto him for being loud. Ryan nodded, licking his dry lips as the teacher cleared her throat, getting most of the students attention.

"Hello class, I'm Mrs. Simmons," she started, her bright green eyes scanning over the class. Ryan felt slightly uncomfortable with her piercing green eyes going over him briefly, and he had a feeling that she wasn't going to be so nice and laid back as the other teachers. "Now, I don't care if it's the first day, you will behave like it was the middle of the year," she sternly commanded, making Ryan frown deeply. Fucking knew it.

~***~

Ryan could feel Brendon's stare as he got his books out of his locker. They made it through the first day barely, but Ryan was more than glad to leave the horrid place. He probably wants to leave too. Ryan slammed his locker, turning around to see Brendon's eyes watering heavily. Fuck, what the hell.. Ryan chewed on his bottom lip as he could feel his gut twist uncomfortable. Ryan looked around nervously before taking Brendon's hand again. Even if he was already nervous as hell, for some reason he couldn't let Brendon be sad. Chewing on his lip still, he lead Brendon out of the school quickly, feeling hot stares on their back as they got out of the front door. As they got a comfortable distance away from the school, Ryan stopped and looked at Brendon with questioning eyes.

"W-What?" he asked, obviously still not over what happened. Ryan rolled his eyes, his hand removing from Brendon's as he crossed his arms tightly. Brendon sighed, "It's nothing, I-I'll get over it." He shrugged it off as nothing, and Ryan let it become nothing then. Ryan wasn't a person that liked getting involved in people's drama and problems, sometimes he would try to help them out, but if they didn't want help Ryan would let it be. He started walking again, his hands shoved in his pockets as he kept his eyes down. He could feel Brendon's shoulders bump with his, so he knew that Brendon was keeping the same pace so he wasn't left behind. Ryan let his mind wander, going over the possible reasons why Brendon could've gotten upset. Only thing that came to mind was Gabe; it had to be the fucker. As cars on the street rode past, they finally got into their neighborhood. He could picture his mother now, well, if she was home, asking all about his first day at school. Wanting to know every detail, only to be disappointed as Ryan made his way back to his room again. That always happened, there was just nothing good to talk about. There was never anything good to talk about with his mother.

"Ryan," Brendon spoke up, his voice sounding slightly raw, "Would you wanna, like, hang out?" he asked quietly. Ryan's hazel eyes lifted from the ground, looking up at Brendon as he went over the answers to the question. Really, Ryan slightly wanted too, but of course he shook his head.

"I can't," he murmured, "I have a lot of homework," he lied, feeling instantly guilty afterward. "Sorry," he added, getting to his door, awkwardly standing there in the gentle breeze.  
"O-Oh, it's fine!" Brendon quickly exclaimed, but Ryan could hear the disappointment in his voice clearly. "Um, I'll talk to you later!" Brendon said, pulling Ryan into, yet another, surprise hug before he ran next door to his own house. Ryan sighed, turning to open the door, but once he tried the first time, the knob wouldn't budge. Ryan tried a couple more times, getting the same result, then finally ended up giving up. She locked the damn door again? I swear to God.. Ryan made his way to his own window, knowing he kept it open because the salty smell of the ocean helped him sleep. He got one of the trash cans that were stacked, laying it on it's back so he had something to stand on as he tried to get inside. Ryan momentarily thanked being so tiny as he put one foot on the can, testing it out first before putting both feet on the green rectangle. He could feel a dip in the plastic, but kept trying as he let his hands push up the window a little bit more. Holding onto the sides, he hauled himself up, almost falling backwards, but kept a good grip. He sat awkwardly on the windowsill, then bent down to slid in. Only problem was as he was sliding his shirt got caught, riding up quickly, and Ryan could feel his whole back getting peeled from the sharp metal. Letting out a low groan of pain, he fixed his shirt, feeling the fresh blood soak into the clothing. Fucking shit. Ryan decided that taking off his shirt would be a good idea, you know, before it was ruined. Quickly going to the bathroom, he turned on the light and turned halfway around to see that he back was bleeding a lot. He let out a low panicked cry, quickly opening the drawer to get some bandage wrap for his back. Quickly wrapping the white roll, he started from his lower abdomen, making sure it wrapped tightly all the way up his chest. Stopping right under his collarbone, he could feel the blood soak into the bandage.

"Fucking, this is bullshit," Ryan grumbled, feeling sharp pains rush up and down his spine. Sighing, looking in the mirror before shutting off the lights and walking out. He chewed on his bottom lip, going over to pick a new, not bloody, shirt from one of his drawers. After putting on the plain, dark blue shirt, he quickly went out the door to the kitchen before his mom and siblings came home. Once he got to the dim kitchen, he opened the fridge to grab a beer that was hidden in the back from one of his mother's parties. Ryan popped the cap, taking a long sip so many the alcohol would mask the pain in his spine. He hoped that it would do it soon, or the pain was going to kill him. It had been a while since he felt immense pain like this. Ryan quickly went to his room, grabbing his phone before heading out the door. He didn't know where he was going, but it really didn't matter with him. As long as he could get out of the house to buy some smokes, and let his mind wander off.


	4. Chapter 4

Ryan could feel sharp pains rush up his back if he walked too fast, sighing angrily as he got to the park eventually. He couldn't get smokes legally, since he was underage, and looked for a shaky guy who would buy him something. Maybe Marbalio, maybe some Camels. It didn't matter to him at the moment. Ryan walked, the gas station being right beside, and saw the exact 'shaky looking' guy he needed. The guy had long, slightly curly brown hair that hung down on his shoulders, tall and lanky with cheeks that were even more hollow than Ryan's. He stood, red button up slightly pulled up so that his pale stomach showed, and his way too tight skinny jeans showing off his thigh gap and chicken legs. Ryan thought he looked like someone, but couldn't see him that clearly. Walking up, smelling the strong scent of weed, he could finally see that it was Mr. Beckett. Ryan's jaw dropped, not expecting the tidy British teacher who looked so clean and proper would be smoking weed by a gas station. Ryan smirked afterwards, now knowing he could use this against him if he wanted, and pulled his phone out to take pictures. Snapping a few on his phone, he walked up casually.

"Hey man, can you buy me some smokes?" he asked, making William turn around to arch a brow. Seeing Ryan's face made his own face pale, and he might of even shrunk a bit. "C'mon, Mr. Beckett," Ryan teased, smirking way more now. William took a deep breath, of mostly leftover smoke from the blunt, and glared at Ryan.

"Ryan, what are you even doing here?" William asked, looking around just in case more students came along. He looked scared, kinda angry, but mostly scared. Well, this could cost him his job, so Ryan could understand why he was so afraid.

"Back's hurting really bad, I need something to calm me down," he took a long sip of his beer, a slight daze clouded his eyes. "C'mon, please?" Ryan whined, needing a smoke to calm his nerves. Maybe even a joint, he's never tried it, but there's a first for everything, right?

"Ryan," he stressed, one of his hands being placed on his hips. "I can't do this, it's illegal enough with that beer of yours," William said, giving Ryan a look. He wasn't going to take it away, but he was not going to give Ryan a smoke.

"Yeah, but I'm desperate, sorry Mr. Beckett, but I have pictures," Ryan said, making William squint his eyes in anger. Ryan chewed on his bottom lip nervously, not wanting William to storm off and him not getting anything. He could never show any pictures to the principal, he couldn't ruin someone's life. He wasn't a jackass. "If you don't-"

"Fine!" William snapped, grabbing Ryan's wrist and dragging him to, what Ryan thought, was William's car. He opened the door, pushing Ryan in, William storming over to get in. "I hope you're happy with yourself," William grumbled, turning on the car to have Beatles blaring out of the speakers. William didn't turn it down, making Ryan quite happy, and backed out of the parking lot. The drive to wherever WIlliam was taking him was quiet, cold awkward air standing in between them both. Once they pulled into the driveway, seeing that Mr. Beckett had a very nice home indeed. "C'mon," he tone softer, but it was drawn out with annoyance. Ryan got out quickly, shutting the door and running up to catch up with William.

"Fuck!" he muttered loudly, one hand holding his back in pain. He had totally forgot running wasn't an option for him at the moment. Sharp pains danced up and down his spine, and William looked back in concern.

"You okay? C'mon, let me help you," William tried, Ryan only shaking his head as he walked with a limp to the front door. He could help himself. Ryan got to the front door in pain, waiting for William to unlock the stupid thing. Yeah, he was mad, but he was more mad at himself than anything. He couldn't be with himself at most times. Ryan got inside once the door was unlocked, and he finally finished his drink. He wasn't even tipsy. "To my room, I'll get the drinks and weed," William ordered, pointing down the hall. "Do you snort anything?" William asked, Ryan shaking his head with a confused look. William grinned, "Oh boy, wait till I show you.." He ran off, Ryan going into William's room that smelled strongly of weed and some other substance. He didn't mind, the smell was nice and relaxing. Ryan sat on the bed, getting comfortable against the headboard, and William rushed in with many things in his arms. He set down the booze first, giving Ryan two bottles for now, and then set down, what Ryan thought, was weed. William sat down next, his lanky chicken legs criss crossing as he set down a white, powdery substance.

"What's that?" Ryan asked, poking it as his eyebrows knitted together. William just smiled at him, handing the boy a blunt. Ryan took it without hesitation, knowing it was weed from the smell.

"We'll worry about that later, enjoy your fuckin' smoke," William said, sucking in his quickly. He didn't let the smoke come out until ten seconds later, and Ryan watched in amazement. He picked up his, getting the lighter to light it, and let his lips clamp down on the paper. He sucked in as well, trying to mimic William. Ryan let the smoke stay in his lungs for about five seconds, having to release because he was going to have a coughing fit if not. He blew out quickly, trying to act cool and collected, but on the inside he was jittery and edgy. He took a sip of the rum next, ignoring the hot bruns that ran down his throat. Ryan could feel the high already getting to him, feeling hazy and dizzy. It felt nice though, and his back barely even felt pain as he leaned against the hardwood.

"This" Ryan let's a smile crack his face, "This is ni-ceee." Ryan took a hit again, sucking in even more than the last time. He even sucked it in longer, more like eight seconds, and blew it out like it was normal. "I like you a lot, William," Ryan proclaimed, William just laughing as he chugged down his booze. Ryan took another sip, this being the 'strong' alcohol, got tipsy very quickly. William sprawled his legs over Ryan, his tolerance level being higher so he just watched Ryan laughing. "What?" Ryan asked, scrunching up his nose to the older male. William laughed even more, taking a long hit.

"You're cute when you try to smoke like me," he said, making Ryan's face flame up quickly. He was cute when smoking weed? Well, that was a first for him. Ryan smiled afterwards, the high finally getting to him fully. "Too cute," William murmured, biting his bottom lip as his eyes danced over Ryan. Only Ryan was too busy inhaling to even notice, also his mind was wondering what the white substance was. Maybe it was crack? Cocaine? Wait, did you even shoot up crack and cocaine? No, no, he said snort, remember? Ryan shrugged at his self, letting the smoke blow out slow into William's face. He seemed to be used to it, and just smirked at Ryan.

"You look like a kitty cat, you know that William?" he said, licking his dry bottom lip with a grin. Really, William's bone structure was that of a cat's, and he was tiny and agile enough to even be one. William just laughed, rolling his eyes as he leaned over to get something from his bed. Ryan peaked, seeing William get a one dollar bill and a book before leaning back over.

"Wanna do a line? It doesn't have to be big, since you've never tried it," William explained, getting the white substance on the book and dividing it into thin lines. Ryan's eyes watched William's movements, and he nodded without even noticing it. "Okay, just do as I do," William mumbled, holding to book close to his face with one hand, the other had his lanky fingers wrapped around the dollar bill that was curled into a tube. All he did was just snort and go down the line, easy and simple as that. Ryan bit his lip, wondering if it was that easy. Of course, his dazed mind said hell yeah, and he eagerly took the book and dollar bill. "Don't snort more than you can chew," William said, almost making Ryan lose his shit. He shook off the laughter, lining up the dollar with the white line and snorting quickly. Holy shit, William was right. That motherfucker burned more than anything, almost making Ryan drop the book and dollar right there.

"Oh my God!" he shouted, holding his nose in pain. He could hear William laughing loudly, and Ryan could feel tears in his eyes. Shit, that was worse than he thought. He sat there a couple minutes, trying to get his nose to stop stinging so he could try again. Yeah, Ryan was determined to get through a whole line. He tried again, the burn not being that bad, and got through the rest of the line. He handed the book and bill back to William, feeling such a rush go through his whole body. It felt so good, and Ryan felt like he could do anything he wanted.

"Like it?" William asked after snorting another line, Ryan nodding quickly with a huge smile. His eyes looked glassy, and you could still see some white powder on the tip of his nose. Huge eyes, he took another drink, licking his lips quickly afterwards. William leaned over, smirking as he licked the powder off of his nose. Ryan blushed brightly, giggling with his hand covering his mouth as he looked down. William took advantage of this, knowing that Ryan was high off his ass, and scooted everything out of the way. He crawled over, smirking deeply, and letting his long legs wrap around Ryan's waist.

"W-William?" he asked, eyes still wide and glassy. They looked like bright hazel marbles to William. He put a finger to Ryan's mouth to shush him, other hand snaking around the younger boy's waist. William replaced his finger with his own lips, kissing Ryan slowly just to make sure he didn't freak out. Ryan did the exact opposite though, kissing William back wearily, as if he wasn't sure if he should. William took advantage of this as well, kissing Ryan now with more force, letting his tongue shove into the younger boy's mouth. Ryan's mind was far away from him, not even caring that the teacher might as well be twenty-five; he didn't care by this point. He was past tipsy, high as hell, and maybe a little horny now thanks to William. Whatever, William was pleasing him now, it didn't matter. Ryan let out a low, drawn moan when William's lanky fingers snuck under his shirt, playing with one of Ryan's nipples. No one has even done this before, and hell, Ryan wished someone had sooner. William's other hand snuck up Ryan's back, fingers tangling in Ryan's hair to snap his neck back. Well, fuck. Their lips detached from each other, and William's started to pay attention to Ryan's pale neck. All he felt against his neck was teeth and tongue, biting and sucking, and he was perfectly fine with it all. I felt good, making him arch up every time he sucked on his soft spot that was located on his Adam's apple. By the time William was done with his neck, it was purple and raw red, making Ryan run his lanky fingers on the not so pale skin to feel it slightly burn. _Oh, um, oh. _

"How about that mate?" he asked, leaning back on his hands as he licked his lips. Ryan blushed brightly, eyes quite dilated from all the heat. God, if he knew William was like that, he would start dry humping his leg like Gabe was doing.

"I, uh-" Ryan stammered for words, biting his bottom lip as he thought. "Radical," he laughed, blinking a couple times as he felt the rush of cocaine, weed, and alcohol swim through his veins. Maybe he should hang out with William more.

"I'll be back, gotta pick up something. Stay here, don't fucking steal anything, but make yourself at home," William laughed loudly, his head tilting back as his curly hair flipped back over his shoulders. Ryan watched as he walked out, eyes on his ass the entire time. Ryan could feel the rush starting to die, making him whine in fear. Was the let down supposed to feel like death? He whimpered, folding up over on his side on the soft bed as he shut his eyes tightly. After a while, he thought he must of passed out because he couldn't wake up. Ryan felt heavy, and fuck, he was freaking out on the inside. How was he going to wake up?

**A/N: Sorry it's been so, so, so long from my last update. Here I am though! Please review! -frnkxoxo**


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